highs and lows
Imagine yourself in this picture, the wind hitting your hair, bringing scattered leftover raindrops inside the car, the breathtakingly mysterious fog floating all around, you have a chilled Sting in your hand (sorry to all who have not tried it yet, seriously though, what have you done in life?), the scene feels complete as you have your best friend sitting right beside you. Wholesome. Cold yet warm.
That is the feeling that the Amal Fellowship has made me feel countless times. From the first session, no even before that, from the first Whatsapp group conversation, people telling their interests, so many like me, so many new to me. It filled me with the same energy Sting has in it. But when it actually happened, the first session! the sudden burst of energy in me. I felt like I was not myself. It was not that I had done something crazy, I had just talked and people had talked, but I felt it was not me. I remember getting into the worst vulnerability hangover after the first two sessions. It felt like the worst shot of Imposter Syndrome and Vulnerability hangover had been served to me and there was no way out of it, but to confront it.
That is why Sting is such a good way to represent those two weeks. The sessions will bring the most energy out of me just like Sting does, and then after the high would fade, I would be left to fight off all those lows by myself.
But it changed, the best friend in the scene remember? I got to know the most amazing people, who would act as my support system. The apes, the facilitation team, my circle members. These people started having a calming effect on me gradually, having them in the sessions made it feel like home. I was no longer being vulnerable to strangers, I was just hanging out with my people, and that has made me a better believer in myself. I know I will take the expectations to meet the same comfort wherever I go next, but I also know now that that might not be out there for me, so I will create it. Because what we had here was the best environment for learning and growth and I want everyone to get a glimpse of it.
How can I end without saying a thank you and giving a shout-out to my people? Marya, Touba, Shamla, Hafsa, Imad, Abad, Pawan, Yumna, Bushra, Sir Zeeshan, and Ma’am Huda, thank you for existing, you might not know how much of a difference you have made but you have, and I wish you all the happiness and love.
